A Minor Major Problem

            Being a bilingual and a middle child, it is fresh in my mind the real issues of language barriers. I can say that I have experienced it in several ways and with several people. There is always a problem between family, friends and school, I could never catch up. When I think about the first times I was being taught proper English in the Philippines, I remember staring at my teacher thinking, do you really think we’ll be able to speak this? It’s like taking Spanish or French in high school and acing the class but still not being able to speak it. You can follow the rules and do well in the class but interacting with a native speaker requires expressions and real understanding of the culture. The English language itself is ever changing.

            Once we migrated to the states (I was eight), my doubt and shy attitude of speaking English slowly disappeared. I don’t quite remember the exact day or moment it happened, but all of the sudden I was so talkative that nobody could even stop me from speaking English. I was learning new words and new expressions. Perhaps it was the time that my mother set me up on a play date that I unconsciously practiced my “tagalog” tongue. Sure I was speaking in broken English, pronouncing my F’s with P’s and enunciating every letter of the word so harshly, but I comfortable speaking it. To give a clear example, I would often say “I wAnt sam chokoleyt” or “yes I am in grayd tree”. Another problem I had were Tagalog idioms that I could not express because explaining it in English would take half an hour and it would still come off differently. Nevertheless, it was fun learning new English words like “inevitable”, “pathetic” or “procrastinate”.

            It didn’t matter how fluent I felt I was in English because although I may have reached far from my English lessons, I was still outside of the English speaking community. Growing up in the urban city of L.A., there were million other children who were bilingual so I couldn’t possibly make that an excuse. There is to be no language barrier, not acceptable at all but other than the language itself, I also had confidence issues. Being a middle child, I tried to reason with my older siblings but they just always knew a little more than me. So evidently, never winning an argument with them made me conscious including when they’re around. The same goes with my younger brothers, they’re smart-alecks and having a short temper doesn’t really help. Altogether, my family helped me become a more intellectual speaker because it became a habit to think before I spoke. This practiced helped with school, the place where I had the most problem talking.

At home I remember being teased by my siblings for my thick accent and so I began to wonder about my Spanish speaking friends, who seem to be so fluent in both English and Spanish. Then the thought came to me that they have been speaking the two languages since birth and maybe it’s because I took in too much Tagalog and not enough English.  Therefore, I made it a goal to completely forget about my native language and focus on English, I had to be fluent. It wasn’t a difficult task as I barely had any Tagalog speaking friends and it sure made things so much easier as I was gradually losing my thick foreign accent and then making even more friends! I can relate myself a lot to Richard Rodriguez, although he isn’t one of the authors this chapter. His story strongly relates to me including when it comes to my parents. Because our culture is more traditional, they hated me talking back, including when it was in English because it just sounds so disrespectful. In Tagalog, we use “opo” or “oho” as a term of endearment when answering questions; it’s a show of respect. So when my parents ask me and I can’t hear, I would say “what?” instead of “po?” and it completely throws them off. In English, “opo” would be, “yes sir” or “yes ma’am”. I refused to go on like that because I was focused on friends and school!

            Now, to be more honest; I was speaking slang English and forgetting all the lessons I took of proper English. I was definitely making more friends and losing my accent but I was now unable to write any proper essay. I got used to using “like” and “ya know”. Although I thought I was practicing English well, my teachers felt differently. They said that my writing skills, although creative, have gone a terrible turn for the worse. It was hard expressing myself, including when I was so hooked on the word, “actually”! It was harsh to hear and unbearable to accept so I chose to ignore it until I could no longer. Starting middle school, all my friends were leaving me behind, they were taking advance English classes and I couldn’t let it happen –I mean the school was ready to put me in ESL programs when I was as fluent as any of my citizen friends- so I focused.    

            In this chapter of my language inconsistency, I can admit to relate to Malcolm X’s Homemade Education. Since I lost almost all of my proper language skills, in high school I knew I had to do more than any of my school peers. I had to do extra work at home to catch up. I couldn’t slack of anymore and I had to do every single assigned work whether it is extra credit or simple advice. Reading his essay, I was surprised to know that he was also copying pages of the dictionary and relying on it as an assistant. I always had a dictionary on my side all throughout high school, and it was worth it too. I made Dean’s list every semester Starting Sophomore year.

            Now that I’ve gone from Tagalog speaker to English speaker, I can’t say that the battle is over. Since I left my native language on hold, I am not as fluent in Tagalog as I thought I would be. There are words and expressions forgotten but I can’t say it’s any better with English. I’m in the midst of the two and still have difficulty fully expressing myself using just one language. Often, I speak “Taglish” at home because it’s hard to remember words in one language.