Stupid Overrun

Growing up is always new and exciting for children. What adults see as common, to children is a new lesson. When and where does name calling start? It does not take an expert to know that children take after what they see. May it be the people around them or the shows they watch in television, children learn name calling. Who decides what is innocent name calling and what it offensive? When does name calling take offense? Without a doubt, it starts with the connotation. Let’s take the cartoon show “Spongebob” for example. Although it does not have what the society would call “real profanity”, it still includes the words, stupid or idiot. Stupid and idiot are definitely one of the first profanity words that I learned growing up. It was new and “bad” but I knew what it meant. It meant that the person is not as smart or as intellectual as he/she should be. Kids definitely like to use these two words, including when they feel like ‘grown ups’ when saying them.

In the Philippines, the children are earlier challenged in academic work than in America. That is, the children are supposed to learn reading prior entering first grade. There is no age limit to applying children in school; the schools can start teaching children by the age of 3 or 4. I, on the other hand, was always behind; may it be physical or mental development, I always learn last. Because I was considered slow, I was often called “stupid”. Of course I failed to beg the differ; I accepted all those name callings. I definitely could not find any defense. I did not learn how to read until the middle part of 1^st grade, I had the poorest grade in math, and it went the same for the other subjects. What being called stupid did for me was lower my self-worth. Often, I was scared of growing up because I overanalyzed everything. I would study my parents, my older siblings and other adults around me and think that what they did was hard –it was too difficult for me and I am scared of reaching that point.

Accepting being stupid gave me a limit –although it was a pretty pathetic standard, it was something. I promised myself not to get dumber than that. Although I was often called slow publicly, I never showed that it bothered me. I would look at other kids and see how they react to name calling. Predictably, the kids would cry because of overwhelming emotions. Often, they were seen immature and they were never taken seriously, I did not want to be like them. Consequently, despite my overflowing pained emotions, I never cried and would just laugh it out. As it is today, stupidity and intelligence is a subject that hits too close to home. When it is my intelligence being questioned, I often get too caught up with emotion and fumble on my words. Perhaps I am traumatized, but I cannot tell for sure.

You Should Read This Book

            The first page of the part I, “Lolita”, I was forced to keep reading. In all honesty, I only read it because it is part of the class requirement and I am glad I did it. Reading Lolita in Tehran is not like other books; it is far more personal and comprehensive. This book is in the top of my “recommendation” list because Nafisi does not write formally with perplexing words; she simply has a story that she wants to share, which everyone can relate. Everyone I know has either questioned why read fiction; why take interest in “bad” movies, books, etc; why go on? All these questions I have a hard time answering I felt were sassy because there is no definite answer. Those questions should be common sense and if they were asked, it is only to start an everlasting argument. It was not until those questions were answered by this book that I finally took them seriously.

            As a simple answer, everyone should read fiction like the classics: Romeo and Juliet, Anna Karenina, Crime and Punishment, and etc. because they are hard to comprehend –in that, anyone will go far after reading Shakespeare, Tolstoy, and Dostoevsky. Thinking about that sentence, it does not even have an answer! With Nafisi’s reason I understand that fiction is important because it sets the reader apart from reality. It has the power of influence, encouragement, and enlightenment. It allows the deep thinkers to think deeper and look for far depth answers. Fiction speaks out for us at times we feel most helpless and mute. I have read many fictions but whenever I am asked as to why I read and why it is good, I never really knew. Truth be told, like others, I also ask why I am reading these fictions; what is it about these stories that I like. I never understood and merely reasoned to myself that I read because of the story, I am into drama and intrigue. As Nafisi went on to comparing Lolita, to her girls, my eyes were just hypnotized as if I was listening to her in the same room. The more she described their personal situations and why Lolita became a big part of their class, I also knew why I like Crime and Punishment, Lolita, and Anna Karenina. It is not simply because they are taboos to mine and their own cultures. I like these stories because they have very complex characters like in reality. People do not only have one side characters but they change their moods and their attitudes almost randomly. The authors of the books have deeper intentions than making drama. On that note, what is the “honesty of imagination”?

            These books were often rumored and blamed for spreading malevolence. They are much more mature than Peter Pan and their characters are evil. It is hard to find the stories’ true value because people often focus on the murder, adultery, and immorality of a young girl. Reading Lolita in Tehran exposes these characters’ profound symbols. Nafisi elaborates on Gatsby’s dream and his corrupt ways of getting there. But like many average people, Gatsby is merely stressing his desire and his relentless attitude. Nafisi shows that these characters are worth time and focus because they are strong, victimized and related to the readers. This book should be recommended because it advocates an apparatus (fiction) so powerful that it is invisible to the naked eye but very much alive in the beholder’s heart. “Fairytales are more than true: not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten” (G.K. Chesterson). Nafisi believes that people of any situation, no matter how lowly his station in life, is worth a fight. Her book demonstrates the power of personal strength, through fictions.

           

           

Too Touchy

                Men and women can have the complete opposite attitude and be each other’s antagonists, such as in gender battles. In Gamble & Gamble’s essay, it is stated than men have a dominant nature that is encouraged in the media. In contrary, under many generations women have an inferior role in societies and households. These propositions have granted men’s character of touching; men do have a tendency of showing physical contact more often than women, as possessive traits. Although many oppose this detail as factual, it can be proven and seen in public as much as in personal circumstances.

                Seen as chivalry, men traditional escort women in vehicles, open doors, and pull seats for them in formal dining. In all these scenarios, men usually place one of their hands on the women’s back waist, as to lead them (or push). Although the physical contact is more intended than definite, acquaintances are less likely to actually touch. Regardless, it is as if men have the birthright to supervise women. As fragile, peaceful and abiding creatures, women are to smile in return and show grace with a “thank you”.

Other ways men show dominance is in their voice; as lower volumes and bold tones are taken more seriously in the society, men usually deepen their pitch. It is also part of masculinity to hold back in smiles. In customer service, particularly the food service, it is noticeable how men refuse to engage in friendly conversations or even smile unless they are the one to initiate the state of affairs. On occasion, they would reply when asked questions but usually they even refuse to talk and rather show nonverbal cues. It is definitely hard to get a “thank you” or traditional courtesy nowadays as men have a tendency of just nodding or shaking their heads side to side in response to a question.

Working in food industry (a yogurt shop), it is seen through customers and fellow coworkers that people still recognize sexist roles. With ten crew members, there are only three males currently working in Palmdale’s local yogurt shop by 10^th street West. From those three, only one works a mid-shift; the men have the least hours. Infuriated and fed up with female ‘bonding’, I tried to observe as to why my employer fails to hire more men. Is working in a yogurt shop too girly or is it because customers rather see a woman? The answer is complicated. Women are more responsive than men, and in dessert shops it is nice to see a smiling face or a feminine facade behind the counters when getting something sweet. The fact of the matter is that society still views females as more nurturing and loving than males; that is why women are more likely to have a place in customer service.  

In terms of women’s caressing nature, it is that; they rather caress to show love and warmth rather than touch. Showing too much physical connection can be revered as impolite –both in men and women. Further on, men are more likely to be excused in “touching” because the society gives them the benefit of the doubt. If the touching seems a little too inappropriate, the woman is looked down upon as much as the man who started it. For that reason, females refuse to show more physical contact than a handshake in the professional world.

It Starts at Home

Quality of communication between me and authority figures is a subject that is best left alone, unanalyzed. Although I usually lack the confidence in interpreting my ideas and true concerns, I somehow am able to defend my opinion and personal stance in important issues towards employers, school officials, etc. Throughout my life, or as far as I could remember, there have always been a problem with communicating with adults, which are now my peers. As a little girl, I was raised and taught not to participate in adult conversations nor should I reason or talk back to my parents. Rarely expressing my real concerns with parents or guardians, it was always hard talking to anyone. No, I did not have a perfect childhood nor did I have a good mother-daughter, father-daughter relationship. My conversation with my parents can be best described as one talker and one listener, and it never changes.

                Listening to my father’s life lessons and my mother’s childhood never failed to interest me but it is in those times that I learned to stay quiet. When I say one thing, either one of them would have an offset comment. It was hard complaining or expressing my ideas because they always knew better than me. Perhaps Guinan’s father experienced a similar childhood as me, because according to the writer, his father and I live with the same attitude. My parents had all the authority and rights to complain about my rebellions and bad attitude because they were once my age; while I should understand them because it is their first time being parents and not just to me but to 5 kids.

                The strenuous practice of silence at home taught me to be a good listener in school and in the workplace. I do not say anything prior being told or given assignment nor do I complain too much. From being a superb disciple, what my childhood lacked in giving me is assurance –perhaps authority. Too obedient and scared to talk to my parents about personal issues such as bad days at school or embarrassing events, I definitely lacked in personal advices. Everything I learned from them, I learned from their childhood and their experiences. I never knew what to do in my special cases, only that I had to toughen it out. Nevertheless, I always treasured my parents’ stories.

                Although there is a big gap in my communal relationship with my parents, there is still a quality and gratitude that stands. Between me and authority figures, I am well aware of my position –and I know how and when to defend myself. The quality of communication between my parents and I is mostly one sided but it is very important. It is through them that I gain confidence and knowledge in my professional position. In unlikely situations, such as a bad day at work, regardless of how upset my customers get me, I am able to lengthen my fuse and talk to them peacefully. Because my parents trained me to listen first, observe, think and then respond, I gained the patience and humility that is best valued in customer service.

Hablas you anglais?

 As many great scholars know, “knowledge is power”. When it comes to language and culture, it is more than facts that we learn; we also learn of a different lifestyle and customs apart from our habitual routine. Practicing focus on another country is a way of giving importance to our neighbors around the world. Acknowledging that there are different kinds of people in the world, this broadens our minds about humanity. In a way, it is like opening a door to a mansion filled with 100 more doors that we inevitably open. It is just right that we become curious and would want to know answers, because we cannot remain ignorant about global issues.

I definitely think and agree that college students should require foreign language in order to graduate. There are beauty and many great lessons upon learning about other countries. The foreign language, if taken with great regards, can take a person far from its idioms but to open his/her eyes to a dissimilar perceptive. It teaches its students about finding common grounds with an entirely differing belief system –or vice versa. To clarify myself, in order to understand a foreign language (let’s say Japanese), you have to constantly translate words from English to Jap then Jap to English to get used to the expression. From there, the student will begin looking at things using Japanese words or descriptions; he/she begins to think as Japanese.

In learning a foreign language, we also learn of a foreign history or history from a foreign point of view. Knowing about a distant culture shrinks or breaks down language barriers. Although there are over trillion people living on earth, we are all living in one planet. What is happening on the opposite end of the ball park would very much affect the entire park –may it be good or bad; what happens to a local park would very much affect the entire community; within that community, a city would be affected and so on. With that said a college student cannot possibly remain unaffected when he hears that there is war in Libya and mass murders take place every day. Although it is imaginary for a mere Spanish lecture to  immediately take effect  on a student to care about Spanish speaking people (or at least the Spanish living in Spain), the broader that student’s culture becomes, the more he can relate to global issues. Relation is the key to change; it is the initiation for people to care about other people.

It is important for a person to have a global awareness in prior to making a big difference in the world. It cannot always be about one culture and one belief system. As part of the human species, we have to watch out for each other –regardless the ethnicity— to survive and grow. We learn from each other and use each other as support system. We cannot simply judge other cultures or enthnicity without knowing where they're coming from. Perhaps knowing about the French culture or the Chinese, would elaborate on their way of being. Perhaps knowing that much would allow us to understand and stop judging. Threfore, taking a foreign language is definitely worth it and should be required upon graduating.

Charged Words, Advocate

Newman and Genevieve Birk stress how it is human nature to use charged words in communication; in writing or in speaking, we all have our individual interpretations of things. Without intention we express the facts based on our point of view, that is how and what events took place the way it was personally seen, and then misleading the reader/listener. An example would be about a mother and a daughter. As a completely unbiased narrator, the story would be of a common mother-daughter misunderstanding. The daughter, required to stay after school because of an unfinished group work, forget to phone home.

After the academic related hours with friends, she decides there is no harm on getting something to eat before heading home. Then from eating, it became getting coffee, dessert and finally hanging out at the mall. This is very common for everybody, unexpected events. On the other hand, her mother’s at home relentlessly trying to get a hold of her cell phone. Unfortunately, the daughter’s cell phone is ignored (as she had kept it silent the entire time in school) or maybe the phone loses its battery life. To the daughter she is completely innocent and had no bad intentions against her mother; like any teenager, she simply forgot to call home. What about the mother’s point of view?

 In the opposite side of the grass, it so happened that a mother had important errands to meet and no one was to stay home with her 5 year old son but her 16 year old daughter. Thinking that she may have stayed afterschool, the mom went to the high school and found her daughter out of sight. It was close to 8 and still her daughter was of no reach. From upset and angry because of missing 2 important meetings, she suddenly becomes worried. She was last seen with friends around 4:30 but was heard to be heading home. After calling all her daughter’s contacts one finally answered, the best friend. As a mother, she in frantic and excited to know where her daughter is but glad she was safe, also she demands her home immediately.

                From this point on, the mother and the daughter would have their own opinion of what happened. The daughter would probably accuse her mother of being dramatic, exaggerated and overprotective. The mother, furious, would take her daughter as inconsiderate, selfish, and immature (irresponsible). Nevertheless, to get a full account of what happened, it is necessary to hear of both sides. Having our own responses is natural, and how the story is passed on depends on the reader/listener’s past, personality, moral beliefs, etc. Would he/she sympathize with the mother or the daughter; which negative reactions would be emphasized?

Charged words, though often unbalanced, shape or allows the speaker to express their ideas and feelings entirely; if not entirely, to its extent. That is the point of communicating, getting intentions to others. Without charged words, we limit ourselves; a very familiar thing to many writing pupils. A writer is all about opinions and feelings, with these factors the reader can understand and maybe share the same feelings as the writer. A book or a novel’s tone depends entirely on the writer’s stance in life. If he/she is completely uncharged in writing, the reader would get a completely trite material.

Life is all about opinions and speaking out. Uncharged words do not exist except in the dreariest encyclopedia, which includes of no attitude.  “Without charged language, life would be but half life”, (Birk & Birk 139). When a writer/speaker tries to be balanced in words, information is being kept hidden because people do not always know of balanced information. Listeners always know more of the negative or the positive side of the information, never of both equally. Some things are just more familiar to others; that is why we must live with charged language. Lastly, charged words advocate our personality and character. It tells other people more than a story but OUR PERSONAL story.

Silent but Deadly

Is there more crime in staying quiet than doing the act? Is it most offensive when you do not say or do anything at all? I couldn’t agree more; in fact, what makes it truer is its growing epidemic.  As humans, we go by influence; we act upon the majority’s conduct. While one person does wrong, the others become accomplices and do ten times worse. Therefore, everyone is guilty of the same crime but in different degrees. First off, let me explain how powerful influence is in the human society. Personally, I think it may be due to the reason that people in general lack confidence. We tend to let others think for us; we rather listen and follow than think on our own. Secondly, influence can also overwhelm individuals; majority of the population are too intimidated to oppose the government, tradition, etc. Although we may not immediately admit to our weakness towards pressure, we know by history that it is true. Silence is a dangerous epidemic because we do not like being questioned. If a hundred people can speak for you, why would you resist? An example can be as simple as bullying in school. When one kid is the center of negative attention, the rest are just happy not to be the target. Maybe it’ll start in grammar school but it will carry on to high school.

In Martin Luther King Jr’s essay, he clearly states that there must be an immediate action against the long overdue hate crime against the non-Whites. The segregation between the colored and the Whites has been too long tolerated that change is hard to see; that is what omission does. When you let one thing happen, another comes at a worse condition and it becomes harder to counter. “We will have to repent… not merely for the hateful words and actions of bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people” (King, Jr 534). Not saying anything is as good as supporting it; when you do not testify against a crime, you might as well have done it. Elie Weisel in The Perils of Indifference talks of the similar dilemma:

It is so much easier to look away from victims. It is so much easier to avoid such rude interruptions to our work, our dreams, our hopes. It is, after all, awkward, troublesome, to be involved in another person's pain and despair. Yet, for the person who is indifferent, his or her neighbor are of no consequence. And, therefore, their lives are meaningless. Their hidden or even visible anguish is of no interest. Indifference reduces the other to an abstraction.

Tolerating evil blind or confuse people’s morality. Individual actions change things but working together work miracles. One oppressor isn’t as strong as ten followers who then will have another set of ten. We work in pyramids through influence.  People outside the crime have a better overview, in that they see outside of anger or impulse, which is why they are more liable.

Silence and indifference work hand in hand. You stay quiet because you fail to see the difference of what you can do/say. You also fail to acknowledge that there are other people who share the same belief and understand that together you can amend the injustice.

A Minor Major Problem

            Being a bilingual and a middle child, it is fresh in my mind the real issues of language barriers. I can say that I have experienced it in several ways and with several people. There is always a problem between family, friends and school, I could never catch up. When I think about the first times I was being taught proper English in the Philippines, I remember staring at my teacher thinking, do you really think we’ll be able to speak this? It’s like taking Spanish or French in high school and acing the class but still not being able to speak it. You can follow the rules and do well in the class but interacting with a native speaker requires expressions and real understanding of the culture. The English language itself is ever changing.

            Once we migrated to the states (I was eight), my doubt and shy attitude of speaking English slowly disappeared. I don’t quite remember the exact day or moment it happened, but all of the sudden I was so talkative that nobody could even stop me from speaking English. I was learning new words and new expressions. Perhaps it was the time that my mother set me up on a play date that I unconsciously practiced my “tagalog” tongue. Sure I was speaking in broken English, pronouncing my F’s with P’s and enunciating every letter of the word so harshly, but I comfortable speaking it. To give a clear example, I would often say “I wAnt sam chokoleyt” or “yes I am in grayd tree”. Another problem I had were Tagalog idioms that I could not express because explaining it in English would take half an hour and it would still come off differently. Nevertheless, it was fun learning new English words like “inevitable”, “pathetic” or “procrastinate”.

            It didn’t matter how fluent I felt I was in English because although I may have reached far from my English lessons, I was still outside of the English speaking community. Growing up in the urban city of L.A., there were million other children who were bilingual so I couldn’t possibly make that an excuse. There is to be no language barrier, not acceptable at all but other than the language itself, I also had confidence issues. Being a middle child, I tried to reason with my older siblings but they just always knew a little more than me. So evidently, never winning an argument with them made me conscious including when they’re around. The same goes with my younger brothers, they’re smart-alecks and having a short temper doesn’t really help. Altogether, my family helped me become a more intellectual speaker because it became a habit to think before I spoke. This practiced helped with school, the place where I had the most problem talking.

At home I remember being teased by my siblings for my thick accent and so I began to wonder about my Spanish speaking friends, who seem to be so fluent in both English and Spanish. Then the thought came to me that they have been speaking the two languages since birth and maybe it’s because I took in too much Tagalog and not enough English.  Therefore, I made it a goal to completely forget about my native language and focus on English, I had to be fluent. It wasn’t a difficult task as I barely had any Tagalog speaking friends and it sure made things so much easier as I was gradually losing my thick foreign accent and then making even more friends! I can relate myself a lot to Richard Rodriguez, although he isn’t one of the authors this chapter. His story strongly relates to me including when it comes to my parents. Because our culture is more traditional, they hated me talking back, including when it was in English because it just sounds so disrespectful. In Tagalog, we use “opo” or “oho” as a term of endearment when answering questions; it’s a show of respect. So when my parents ask me and I can’t hear, I would say “what?” instead of “po?” and it completely throws them off. In English, “opo” would be, “yes sir” or “yes ma’am”. I refused to go on like that because I was focused on friends and school!

            Now, to be more honest; I was speaking slang English and forgetting all the lessons I took of proper English. I was definitely making more friends and losing my accent but I was now unable to write any proper essay. I got used to using “like” and “ya know”. Although I thought I was practicing English well, my teachers felt differently. They said that my writing skills, although creative, have gone a terrible turn for the worse. It was hard expressing myself, including when I was so hooked on the word, “actually”! It was harsh to hear and unbearable to accept so I chose to ignore it until I could no longer. Starting middle school, all my friends were leaving me behind, they were taking advance English classes and I couldn’t let it happen –I mean the school was ready to put me in ESL programs when I was as fluent as any of my citizen friends- so I focused.    

            In this chapter of my language inconsistency, I can admit to relate to Malcolm X’s Homemade Education. Since I lost almost all of my proper language skills, in high school I knew I had to do more than any of my school peers. I had to do extra work at home to catch up. I couldn’t slack of anymore and I had to do every single assigned work whether it is extra credit or simple advice. Reading his essay, I was surprised to know that he was also copying pages of the dictionary and relying on it as an assistant. I always had a dictionary on my side all throughout high school, and it was worth it too. I made Dean’s list every semester Starting Sophomore year.

            Now that I’ve gone from Tagalog speaker to English speaker, I can’t say that the battle is over. Since I left my native language on hold, I am not as fluent in Tagalog as I thought I would be. There are words and expressions forgotten but I can’t say it’s any better with English. I’m in the midst of the two and still have difficulty fully expressing myself using just one language. Often, I speak “Taglish” at home because it’s hard to remember words in one language.

Critical Thinking

In school, they would say that critical thinking is asking questions. Questioning why, how, or what is, rather than simply accepting any suggested idea. I hold that thought and I wonder if that's all it is. For me, critical thinking is more than asking questions but it is also making sense of things. Generally, I think its sole purpose is to broaden our understanding and push our minds to its ultimate limit. Exercising our brain and creating our own philosophies in life is what separate us from other animals. As oxygen help with our body's blood flow, challenging our minds fuel our train of thought. That is what critical thinking does for us.
As for personal habits in regards to reading and thinking critically, I try to challenge myself by closing the book and interpreting what happened in my own words. Because I do dream a lot, I also have the tendency of rethinking what I read over and over again until I have a clear statement. Sometimes I do fail to interpret my readings in the writers' intentions but I'm glad enough to be able to have a say. Another area where I try to practice or challenge myself is in grammar and vocabulary. If there is a word that seems familiar and or entirely new, I try to use it in other sentences to make more sense of it.

I do actively read on my own but sometimes I still doubt myself and so I go online and research more of my readings' background or what others may say about it. Frankly, if it becomes too complicated, I go on sparknotes because it is the only trusted site I know. The second tool I use is the school's ebscohost, but that's when I definitely have no choice. I don't really read political journals or pay much attention to the media as I know I should be. It's embarrassing to admit but I'm not as productive in learning and involved in global or even local affairs. Sometimes I wonder why, but I did used to be more curious about the world or politics when I was too young to do anything. Now, I'm just tired of the political talk and just always surprised about global news. I mean the issues haven't changed but the people are the same as well. It's just the age that's changing. My views may be appalling or disappointing to read but I'm just trying to be honest. Of course, aside to my direct comments, I do hope to change my views of things. I want to get back into that more educated, curious side of me. Maybe I just became too tired because of personal problems too.

Academically, in taking this class I hope to learn how to write my papers in less time and give my them more appeal. I want to learn to analyze by knowing what questions to ask. I know it seems very immature but I believe starting from the beginning is key. I will do whatever it takes to get to that point. If writing these journals is part of the practice then I will do it. I want to be able to write the best paper without any grammatical error. Let's do this!